Losing someone...

(First Person) - Non-Fiction

     When you experience loss you are never the same. The person was a huge part of your life. The one you called to converse life decisions with, the one shoulder you cried on, the one you'd never thought would not be there.

I have experienced more loss than the norm. I can give my thoughts, feelings and experiences in hopes to help someone else. That is my only goal. Take what you need. Please don't judge. Everyone is different, I am simply sharing my story.

I am not sure how much I want to disclose but I will start with the most recent loss of a best-friend who passed away right before Christmas (he was in his early 30s). I will not share how he passed or anything too personal (I do want to maintain anonymity). Although, fell free to ask questions if you would like my insight/advice.

Coping...

People will come from everywhere to try to comfort you. They mean well but mostly, what they are saying isn't what you're wanting to hear.

The Truth:

• No I do not want to hear he's in a better place, he's at peace now, no more pain.
• No I will not "get over, through or past this."
• No you don't understand
• There isn't much you can do or say to make me feel better so just let me know you're there IF/When I need you.
• I do not have to accept the fact he's gone, nor do I have to grieve the way everyone thinks is "normal."

The Reality:

• I still will be doing something and pick up the phone to call/text you for your input. 
• I do not think about you not being there all of the time or I'd be broken 24/7.
• The times I am doing the things that remind me of you the most is when it hits me the hardest and I cry.

Grief is not something a person who has lost someone close will ever not have. 

A part is missing. The part of my life that brought so much joy, fun and laughter is gone. 

I still see you in my dreams. Sometimes we talk. I know you're watching over everyone you love through the small signs you send. I know you and I loved you with everything. I miss you. 

The pain never goes away, it just gets easier to deal with, and doesn't occur so much of the time as it does in the beginning but it's always there.