Losing someone...

(First Person) - Non-Fiction

     When you experience loss you are never the same. The person was a huge part of your life. The one you called to converse life decisions with, the one shoulder you cried on, the one you'd never thought would not be there.

I have experienced more loss than the norm. I can give my thoughts, feelings and experiences in hopes to help someone else. That is my only goal. Take what you need. Please don't judge. Everyone is different, I am simply sharing my story.

I am not sure how much I want to disclose but I will start with the most recent loss of a best-friend who passed away right before Christmas (he was in his early 30s). I will not share how he passed or anything too personal (I do want to maintain anonymity). Although, fell free to ask questions if you would like my insight/advice.

Coping...

People will come from everywhere to try to comfort you. They mean well but mostly, what they are saying isn't what you're wanting to hear.

The Truth:

• No I do not want to hear he's in a better place, he's at peace now, no more pain.
• No I will not "get over, through or past this."
• No you don't understand
• There isn't much you can do or say to make me feel better so just let me know you're there IF/When I need you.
• I do not have to accept the fact he's gone, nor do I have to grieve the way everyone thinks is "normal."

The Reality:

• I still will be doing something and pick up the phone to call/text you for your input. 
• I do not think about you not being there all of the time or I'd be broken 24/7.
• The times I am doing the things that remind me of you the most is when it hits me the hardest and I cry.

Grief is not something a person who has lost someone close will ever not have. 

A part is missing. The part of my life that brought so much joy, fun and laughter is gone. 

I still see you in my dreams. Sometimes we talk. I know you're watching over everyone you love through the small signs you send. I know you and I loved you with everything. I miss you. 

The pain never goes away, it just gets easier to deal with, and doesn't occur so much of the time as it does in the beginning but it's always there.

To my Dear Friend who is Grieving

I'm not going to tell you not to cry. I'm not going to say I want you to stop being upset or hurt.I am not going to pretend to know how you feel.

I will say, it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be angry. I can say I will be here for you for anything you want or need.

It's okay to smile. You can laugh when you want to. Crying can release stress and pain from inside. You can talk or not say anything at all.

I care and always will.

How to Achieve a Healthy Relationship-Needs

Abraham Maslow; Hierarchy of Needs

Famous for Creating this Model

Transcendence

Helping others to self-actualize

Self-actualization

Personal growth, self-fulfillment

Esteem Needs 

Achievement, status, responsibility, reputation

From self and others

Belongingness & Love Needs

Family, affection, relationships, work, groups

To be loved

Safety Needs (Security)

Protection, security, order, law, limits, clothing, income & freedom from fear

Physiological Needs (Survival)

Food, water, air, sleep, sickness, poverty, imminent danger

**The idea of this model is that the lower four levels are our basic life needs that must be met. Then the top level only can be achieved when all of the other levels are mastered or entirely satisfied.

How Relationships Effect & Improve Your Life

Facts about Relationships

~ From the day we are born social support is essential to our survival.

~ Humans have a more prolonged period of helplessness and dependency than any other mammal.

~ In the 1940's a study found that people who were married lived longer and had fewer health problems than individuals who were single, divorced or widowed. 

~ Isolation triggers the release of stress hormones which, not only impede immune function but also, raise heart rate, interfere with sugar metabolism and stimulate feelings of depression and anxiety.

What you can do if you're Single

~ Support groups can help people cope with just about anything and are almost always free! They reduce isolation, teach coping skills and can be empowering.

~ Researchers have found pets can provide the same immune enhancing benefits as human companionship.

~ Another effective antidote is a persons' religious or spiritual faith. Having faith or a belief system can improve a persons whole outlook upon situations.

*A relationship can be formed with anyone. This includes, friends, co-workers, family, neighbors, people you talk to on the bus or at the grocery store. The point is to talk to people. Talk to everyone. Life is too short to focus on what you don't have so take every opportunity to form new relationships because, while some may not turn out so great, others' may be the one that last a lifetime.

Does Beautiful Equal Crazy?

I have heard, on more than one occasion, the most attractive girls are "crazy." This opinion seems to have become more and more popular.

I could speculate as to why this is a common belief but it would only be an observation and I only wish to point out this theory, not to add commentary (maybe in another post). So, I will just post what I have found in my search.

This tweet by 50 Cent led me to investigate this theory further.
*This Tweet was Re-tweeted 208 times and was Favorited 68 times.

"Man she so fine oh my ... She probably crazy..."

Unfortunately, this isn't the first tweet about a persons attractiveness being equal to them being crazy that has been popular.

*This Tweet received 7 Re-tweets and 1 Favorite.

"The fine ones are the crazy ones."

Research has led me to find...

This interesting and informative article, The Hot/Crazy Scale – Just because she’s hot, doesn’t mean she’s worth it, which provides wonderful insight as to the way men group women by the level of their hotness verses the level of their craziness.

"For one, the hotter a girl is, the crazier she is allowed to be."

*Great Visual Aids & References available too!

There have been many references in television and movies about "girls being crazy" and "she's hot so be careful" so this belief seems to be here to stay. 

"How I Met Your Mother - Barney: Hot-Crazy Scale"

From Urban Dictionary:

Hot-Crazy Scale 125 up, 11 down
The problem is certain women’s increase in physical attractiveness has been disproportional to their increase in psychosis.

Some women are okay being labeled as "crazy."  For instance, Rihanna recently tweeted "I'am crazy and don't pretend to be anything else." 

So where does this leave beautiful women who aren't actually "crazy?" If they are confident and embrace the idea they are "crazy" they seem to do fine. 

Shakira - Loca (Crazy) "I'm crazy, but you like it..."

On the other hand, if they are just a victim of a stereotype that isn't true they are stuck having to constantly reassure people they are stable individuals. Unfortunately, this leaves little room for a person to act in a manner that doesn't fit the other persons idea of "sane."

Whether you are an attractive female who is crazy or being thought of that way, be yourself. Do not let anyone tell you how you should or should not act or be. Who you are and what makes you different is what makes you special. What one person thinks is "crazy" another may love! There is only one YOU and, crazy or not, you're BEAUTIFUL! :)

Are you being taken advantage of?

      Dr. Phil has just presented excerpts from his new-upcoming book titled "Life Code, The New Rules for Winning in the Real World" and it sounds like a must-read!
After watching today's episode of Dr. Phil (Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World) (aired November 13, 2012), I am excited to read his book to find out more about the characteristics it takes to be successful.
     I admit, I wasn't a fan of Dr. Phil until recently I started to find some of his episodes intriguing  After watching today's episode and learning the qualities of "baiters" and "successful people" I am inclined to give this book (and him) a new chance in providing quality advice and useful information.

Here are some excerpts from today's episode, which are also from his book:
Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World

Evil Eight (Common Traits of "bad guys" & "Users" in Life)

1. Infiltrate your life
2. Create conspiratorial confidants
3. Depend on approval
4. Build a file
5. Misdirect and obfuscate
6. Blame others
7. Lie
8. Frauds/Cheaters

Sweet 16 (What Successful People Do)

1. Defined Image
2. Perception of uniqueness
3. Play "big"
4. Accept praise
5. Become essential
6. Know your real currency
7. Always have a plan
8. Keep things "close to the vest"
9. Investigatory Mode
10. Behave your way to success
11. Keep options open
12. Master the system
13. Nucleous of supporters
14. Deal with the truth
15. Use others' ego
16. Pick your battles

The book has just been published and is only available via (his sons publishing company site): http://www.thebooknook.com/life-code-book.html#det 
Dr. Phil mentioned the book will be available from other sources, sometime after January.

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Can Long Distance Relationships Work?

How Long Distance Relationships Happen

Due to the increase of the availability of online social media and WiFi ready electronics, more people are meeting online. It is easier to connect with a person online due to the ease and access to millions of people. Furthermore, there are websites specific to any category/interest you can imagine. This can lead to chatting with people who have similar interests or hobbies. Taking all of this into account, it is not wonder people will find connections.

Another avenue into a long distance relationship could be if have already met or were together and the other person moved away. Whether you have met someone, were together already then moved or have met online, the outcome is the same. You have found yourself in a long-distance relationship.

How to Make Sure Your Long-Distance Relationship Lasts

• Firstly, I will state, everyone is different. The needs, wants and desires of someone may be different from what another person wants. Also, everyone's situation is different. That being said, here are a few tips that are helpful to keep a long distance relationship going. 

• Make a daily or weekly date time where you both will be able to see each other. You can use a video service; iPhone Facetime, skype, msn, yahoo have video chatting options (all free). There are many more options too. 

• Make sure you talk every day, on the phone or through text messaging. On the phone is the best but if you can only text, one or two days, at the most, then that's better than nothing. It is important to stay connected. 

• Try to plan trips to see each other. Setting an actual date and having that to look forward to will help ease the anxiety of not seeing each other. 

• Send them something "meaningful" in the mail. This can be anything that is significant to you and that person. Examples are: a postcard from your favorite restaurant, a card with your perfume/cologne, a CD, key chain from a special place. Use your imagination;) 

• If you're a girl = Send him pictures of you at random times. They do not have to be promiscuous. Guys are attracted by what they see, so keep your image in his head.

• If you're a guy = Send her a sweet message. Anything from "Thinking of you," Wish you were here," Dream about me," "Good morning beautiful" etc. Women just need to know you're on their mind and they'll feel good. 

How Long Can A Long Distance Relationship Last?

I think many of you know that only you can answer that question but there are a few tips that can help.

Maybe:

If you feel the other person is drifting away - make a trip to see them as soon as possible; talk to them about your feelings, see their point-of-view. It is better to know.

The timing just isn't right - their busy with work or you're busy with school; the problems can cause a separation. Try taking a "break" to see how you feel. Sometimes, knowing you're without that person is enough to bring you closer or farther apart. Either way, it can bring clarification.

No:

Sometimes, being away from someone for too long can make them forget about how you were when you were together. They can find themselves getting attention from people who are closer to them, who share their interests, hobbies or work. This can, sadly, lead to an end to any long distance relationship the person had.

The economy is bad and it is expensive to move. Sometimes, the only thing that prevents a great long-lasting relationship is the lack of finances it takes to see the other person.

It is unfortunate society has turned into a culture of “singles.” Meaning, it is rare to find loving, long-lasting relationships, much-less, long, long-distance relationships. Most of the time, it is difficult to trust the other person. They have either shown signs of being unfaithful or have already and the relationship is beyond difficult after that.

Yes:

Once in a while, true love happens and the people who were apart come together and achieve an ever-lasting love. This happens when two people are invested in each other, have/had a common goal for what they want in the relationship and for the future, together. One person moves to be with the other or the person returns from school/work and things are better than ever.

I, personally, have witnessed all of these examples in my life. Love is difficult. Relationships are difficult. So when you find someone who knows and accepts those difficulties, you have found a good one:)

Unable to Maintain a Healthy Relationship

• Addicted to a person

• Adult Children of Alcoholics

• Having a Parent With A Mental Disorder/Bipolar, depression, anxiety

• Resulting in an Inability to experience a happy-healthy intimacy in a relationship

        

      You know you're going to get hurt; the person's going to hurt you because they're not emotionally invested in you and yet you harass them endlessly yearning for an intimacy with them but at the same time if you were to get that intimacy you would be extremely anxious, uncomfortable, feel smothered and try to push them away with mood swings, always being angry/sad, picking arguments over everything, blaming them for your unhappiness. 

          Then, when they leave, you are desperate to get them back. You feel like they were the reason you were ever "happy" and without them you have nothing. You rationalize all of the arguments, lies, sadness and lack of intimacy in a way that seems as though they weren't that bad. The relationship was good and you'll never be happy again. The anger & anxiety kick in and you do everything possible to try to get them back but they've had enough. Emotional roller coasters are difficult to handle for anyone but you see it as they just never really loved/cared about you at all or they wouldn't have left. 

              In reality, you needed to make yourself happy and by doing that would have changed the whole dynamic of the relationship. So, before the depression sets in from accepting the relationship has ended, look at it as a new beginning.

 

        This is a chance to do what makes YOU feel good. When you're addicted to someone everything you do is for and about them so you stop doing the things you used to and sometimes even forget what it is that you like. Luckily, you're still alive and that means you can figure these things out. Be the person who you would be attracted to and want to be with.

                 I know, I want someone who is ambitious. I'm very attracted to someone who is passionate about what they do. When you find something you are confident doing that radiates and attracts people and that is the key to being in a happy-healthy relationship. To be together as one but to be 2 individuals first.

What Do Guys Really Mean When They Say...

Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got Dr. Phil Love Smart

Some of the Best and Truest Advice when it comes to deciphering Guys:

What He Says:	What He Means:
“I need space.”	“This has gotten old.”
“I love you.”	“I love your sex.”
“We just talked 2 days ago.”	“I can’t miss you if you never go away.”
“We can still be friends.”	“If it’s naked.”

This is just a sample of some of the great information about men that Dr. Phil has to share in his book, Love Smart. I have to admit, I was skeptical to take advice from Dr. Phil but I cannot deny the reality of the information he provided in his book. Everything I have read in Love Smart coincides with everything I have learned and experienced. I can say, I do recommend Dr. Phil’s book, Love Smart, to anyone who would like a better understanding of how and why men think the way they do!

Top Love Songs When You're Missing Someone You've Lost

          

Losing someone you love is never easy. You think it's never going to get better. Nobody can understand and eventually you're on your own. The best coping mechanism, I have found, is to listen to songs that you can relate to and cry until you cannot cry anymore. There isn't a time limit on when you're supposed to be "over" losing someone so don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
*I've included a few different genres for everyone

I'll Be Missing You (Featuring Faith Evans & 112)(Album Version)

 I Will Always Love You                                       Someone Like You

When You're Gone



Simple Plan Gone Too Soon

    It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

November Rain

                                 Avril Lavigne Slipped Away

R.I.P Natina Reed October 27, 2012 32 years young  

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